• Carmen

storms passing through

I’m generally an upbeat person, but sometimes a dark cloud hangs over my head ☁️ Whatever the reason, when it happens I get tired and irritable, and I act very defeated. ⠀ “X will never happen.” “I ruined Y.” “I should just quit Z.” ⠀ Jeff is really the only person who sees this side of me, but Vivian has caught glimpses of it. Her little brows furrow and she says, “Mama sad. Mama mad.” ⠀ I wish I knew how to simply turn it off, but once it’s on it has to run its course. Jeff has to remind me of what’s true and what I can control, and I have to spend time thinking about what God has taught me about worry and anger and dwelling on ugly things. And sometimes I just really need a nap. ⠀ I hate the cloud, but in some ways it’s a blessing. It reminds me that I’m not always strong; sometimes I’m emotionally immature and fragile, and that helps me empathize with needy people. It also reminds me to seek God quickly, in the little things, before they become big things. Most importantly, it reminds me that little eyes and ears are watching and wondering what will happen next. ⠀ I’ve made a point of talking with Vivian afterward and holding her hand. I find a quiet place and say that I love her and that I’m okay and that God is helping me feel better. She always smiles and nods vigorously. “Mama okay. Mama happy.” Sometimes she also tells me that my hair is pretty 😂 ⠀ And that’s a simple but helpful thing I can remember when these temporary storm clouds pop up out of nowhere. ⠀ I’m okay. I’m (mostly) happy. And I’m very loved. 💛



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